Philadelphia Slice by Slice

God's lonely man roams the streets of Philadelphia
in search of the answer to the simplest,
yet most complex culinary algorithm
ever concocted:
the marriage of sauce,cheese, and crust.

More commonly known as PIZZA.

This is his story.......................

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Lorenzo's south street is almost as rude as i am.

Walking down south street is the perfect time to call my mother. She's gonna throw a lot of information at you, so I go all out sensory overload and call her when Im semi distracted. Somehow it works....I cant explain it. Anyway, I pass Lorenzo's. There's about 7 people in there, so I say to myself "finish the call outside". A couple "yeah's" and "uh-huh's" later I remember all of the signs in Lorenzo's: ABSOLUTELY NO PARM CHEESE!!!!, TOPPINGS ON SLICES DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!!!!, BOX 25 CENTS EXTRA!!!!!. Fuck you guys....I'm gonna talk to my mother on the phone, disrespect your line, your system, your snotty white tattooed counter girl, I'm gonna act like a tourist, I'm not gonna keep my head down.....fuck....I might pay with a $20 I haven't decided yet.

I went in. I stood in line. My mother was talking about and how great it is...i was fully engaged in much im not even sure if i pissed anyone off. (which is the only downside of talking on your cell in public if you ask me). I order "TWO SLICES IN A BOX!!!!!!!" I fucking screamed it because i hate repeating myself. I threw six dollars at threw a quarter back at me and I was on my way....still on the phone.

I get home and open the box. Its undercooked. Severely undercooked....its a doughy gooey mess. Not a hint of brown on the cheese....i mean this thing needed another solid 5 minutes in a screaming hot about a rush job. Not cool guys.....on a Wednesday afternoon? If its 430 am on new years day maybe but c'mon guys.

Im not gonna stop going, I will always have a soft spot for Lorenzos, and whenever Im near I usually stop in. 9 out of 10 times they knock it out of the park, I satisfy my craving and we all go home happy....this just wasn't their day. I honestly want to blame it all on the snotty counter girl. Her flower tattoos looked like technicolor vomit.

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