Philadelphia Slice by Slice

God's lonely man roams the streets of Philadelphia
in search of the answer to the simplest,
yet most complex culinary algorithm
ever concocted:
the marriage of sauce,cheese, and crust.

More commonly known as PIZZA.

This is his story.......................

Thursday, October 18, 2012


A pizza museum. who doesn't want to go to a pizza museum? Certainly not anybody Im interested in hanging out with. The memorabilia is stellar. Start at the beginning of the counter and work your way back...take it all in. If you cant drum up some amazing childhood memory than I weap for you. Go buy a time machine and eat a baby pan pan. lets talk slices.

holy shit. really. The couple years of research that went into the "Plain Jane" recipe really paid off. Its not rocket science....but it is. First and foremost the oven is hot. HOT. The master pizzaman should be the only person comfortable behind the line, the skin...trained to withstand ungodly temperatures. I like black spots and imperfections in my pie. A nice hard sear on the crust with a crispy yet gooey cheese. These slices have a personality.

Sauce. It has some red pepper flake in it. I was surprised. I always take a bite before I season....this slice needed nothing. In fact, I thought to myself a non seasoning fan (idiot) might not like it....but thats not a problem here. good salt content. very well seasoned.

constructive criticism. only one thing, while a beautiful whole basil leaf looks awesome, it makes for a few super basil bites, and some no basil bites. a nice simple rough chop on the fresh basil, garnish the slice, do this right before you hand it to me....and I can die right there.

Overall. an inspiring slice. eat pizza. 

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Sausage roll Pizza From Pizza Hut Japan TVCM

Lorenzo's south street is almost as rude as i am.

Walking down south street is the perfect time to call my mother. She's gonna throw a lot of information at you, so I go all out sensory overload and call her when Im semi distracted. Somehow it works....I cant explain it. Anyway, I pass Lorenzo's. There's about 7 people in there, so I say to myself "finish the call outside". A couple "yeah's" and "uh-huh's" later I remember all of the signs in Lorenzo's: ABSOLUTELY NO PARM CHEESE!!!!, TOPPINGS ON SLICES DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!!!!, BOX 25 CENTS EXTRA!!!!!. Fuck you guys....I'm gonna talk to my mother on the phone, disrespect your line, your system, your snotty white tattooed counter girl, I'm gonna act like a tourist, I'm not gonna keep my head down.....fuck....I might pay with a $20 I haven't decided yet.

I went in. I stood in line. My mother was talking about and how great it is...i was fully engaged in much im not even sure if i pissed anyone off. (which is the only downside of talking on your cell in public if you ask me). I order "TWO SLICES IN A BOX!!!!!!!" I fucking screamed it because i hate repeating myself. I threw six dollars at threw a quarter back at me and I was on my way....still on the phone.

I get home and open the box. Its undercooked. Severely undercooked....its a doughy gooey mess. Not a hint of brown on the cheese....i mean this thing needed another solid 5 minutes in a screaming hot about a rush job. Not cool guys.....on a Wednesday afternoon? If its 430 am on new years day maybe but c'mon guys.

Im not gonna stop going, I will always have a soft spot for Lorenzos, and whenever Im near I usually stop in. 9 out of 10 times they knock it out of the park, I satisfy my craving and we all go home happy....this just wasn't their day. I honestly want to blame it all on the snotty counter girl. Her flower tattoos looked like technicolor vomit.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

pizza points.

lets talk about oregano for a second. I fucking hate it. Oregano has a sour flavor profile, and the sour notes really scream in your mouth when combined with a tomato product. Fresh or canned tomato product should be slighty acidic....not sour.....its a fine line. I dont know about you, but im not really into sour slices. If you ask me oregano should be eliminated from the herb arsenal of every pizza shop.

Oregano should be an red pepper flake, parm cheese, galic salt, etc.....available in a shaker allowing me, the slice patron, to decide whether or not i want it.

Guilty Culprit: Apaollo Pizza 13th & Pine.- You guys garnish the shit out of your plain slices with oregano, and i just dont think thats fair. You force me to buy other oregano-less slices like bbq chicken, or something with vegetables on it that i probably wasn't in the mood for. Apaollo is a "fancy" slice boutique, lots to choose from, lots of "eye candy"....this leaves me to assume the pizza maker looks at the finished plain pie, and just like any artist thinks to himself it needs "a little something" he grabs that green shaker and bam....look at that....thats a pie. Im all for visuals, we eat with our eyes first....however choose a more neutral herb....maybe some fresh parsley?

Thats how i feel about oregano. If i see it on your plain slices im walking out.

Also, Stouffer's french bread pizzas we're on sale for $3 at superfresh....twist my arm....ok....I guess I'll get one of each. I suppose its good to have backup in case of a disaster that would effect my local pizza shops. I normally never buy frozen pizza. I cant justify the purchase....why live here if you're gonna eat that shit right? Anyway.....laziness struck last night, and my back hurt so i was tylenol pm'd out....but i had to eat. Baked off a Stouffers extra cheese french bread pizza, inhaled it.....i dont remember if i liked it or not, but i think that has something to do with the tylenol pm.

Monday, April 11, 2011

new gennaro's location

So Gennaro's moved from 12th & south to 13th & christian....and im lovin the new store front. a place to sit down, really decent soda/juice selection. (i always fall for nantucket nectars with a slice), and the open kitchen sparkles (for now). The cheesesteaks are spotty (make sure you ask for extra cheese....theyre stingy). A true pizzamans establishment. No joking around, no social scene....i dont know anyone that goes there. pretty sure they only cater to the surrounding blocks....and now that theyre off south street forget about that foot traffic.... i have you all to myself now gennaro's. Owner lady gives me free slices all the time....shout out to her. By the way.....great slices. Not giant....but bigger than your average slice. (6 slices per pie vs your standard 8). Philly style "i think they put sugar in this" sauce, great cheese, and a nice all purpose flour crust with kind of a chewy bite to it. only issue....closes when they feel like it. 10ish weekdays....12ish friday and saturday.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

saturday night.

Sometimes, drug addicts are forced to slum it.... and buy shitty, not very potent drugs. I often find myself in this position on Saturday night. After working 10.5 hours I went home and fell asleep for a minute without securing pizza. I woke up at local shops within walking distance open except lorenzos and lazzaros...Im not walking...fuck it....dominos.

I know what Im getting. Im getting cake. so lets get creative....pineapple, fuck it, lets get two for 5.99 each....a deep dish tomato and mushroom as well. 30 minutes? Im timing you fuckers...

24 minutes later (which isnt that impressive....its 7 blocks away on south st)....I get my pizza cake. Dominos has made improvements. They overload the crust in factory blended garlic spice, and brush it to death with movie theater butter. the cheese is perfectly synthesised to melt and brown in their conveyor belt oven, and the sauce....well....its dominos sauce with a few too many dry spices....but I cant complain. I ate the shit out of it....even the pineapple. It rocked me to pizza sleep. goodnight.